Fear of Overcommittment

When do you know you've overcommitted yourself?

For years, I have claimed to have a fear of commitment. Marriage sort of marred that self-image to which, for whatever shamelessly vain reason, I had clung. Now, I've taken it to a different level. Thank God I do not have children or pets, because I am barely keeping the one other human in my life alive. It appears that once I let the floodgates of commitment open, I couldn't control my own headfirst immersion therein.

In addition to my full-time job, I am currently an active member of Vision Fort Worth, the Fort Worth Chamber of Commerce, the Social Media Club of Fort Worth, World Affairs Council, Global Meridian Young Professionals, Public Relations Society of America, the Education Task Force for Steer Fort Worth (an initiative of Mayor Betsy Price), the CCFW Poverty Committee, and the CCFW Young Professional Focus Group. I also attend weekly small groups with our church. Most of these involve, at minimum, bi-monthly events or meetings. A significant number of them even involve weekly commitments.

I like to make homemade meals, keep my bed made and my dishes done, and water my potted herbs. I have a husband who likes an allotment of my attention and a stack of books as tall as my nightstand, yearning to be read. I am an employee, wife, landlord, daughter, friend, and professional networker. I am afraid I could become one of those people who is 5 months pregnant and doesn't even know it, because I don't slow down enough to notice I've transformed.

I have friends, family, and sleep to enjoy. Am I overcommitted? When do you know you've crossed that line?

As long as I can have one night off a week, I feel like I am doing okay. As long as I can sleep without a pill, I feel that I have made healthy commitments. But what if I run out of time to keep up with The Economist deliveries I look forward to wholeheartedly? What if I start losing the ability to remember, much less blog, about all of these experiences?

I have to prioritize time to write. That is the line between commitment and overcommitment. If I cannot log the favorites parts of the way I spend my days, I will not remember the lessons I learn along the way. If I cannot make myself a cheese plate to enjoy while I read at the end of a long day, just once a week, I should be afraid of myself.

I will not do anyone any good by gobbling up and hording commitments like a troll guarding the gate to success. Worry less about the groups you're not a part of and more about the part you play in the groups you've already joined. Don't miss your own transformations because you're too busy trying to transform the world. Overcommitment is like gluttony. A little bit goes a long way and you can have too much nourishment. A small, indulgent cheese plate is what I need.